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Kelowna, BC

I met a woman in Vancouver after my marriage split. She seemed ok, but as I found out later she only wanted children, because her husband could no longer give her any. She basically destroyed his life, he began drinking etc.. and fell into the old trap and they divorced. He is an invalid now, both emotionally and physically. She tried to do the same to me, and to keep my 3 kids.

We were together for about 9 years, any attempt by me to improve our conditions was fought by her, including moving to a better place with more work. She stayed right where we were, in an old house with mold and mildew in it and my kids. I don't quite know how I survived her, but leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. I really hurt after leaving my kids behind.

She took me to court, she and the judge had a nice chat and I wound up 20,000 in the hole and about 500 a month poorer. And I was not working at the time, she had destroyed me to the point that I was almost incapable. I am on my feet now and realize that the entire system is screwed up. To allow the insane to run our institutions and our relationships is a crazy thing to do. I now belong to CEPC and Fathers for justice both are on the internet and their discourse and help has been like a leg up for me. Just knowing that I am not the only one.

Since then she has managed to alienate my twins from me and I am only seeing the youngest now..hoping she comes for a week this summer. That is all the time I will get to see her..

We need to change this system it has gone amok and now we are paying the price.
Red Deer, Alberta

I was a single 38 year old man who didn't want children and had not yet found the woman of my dreams, never married, hard worker, comfortable financially and happy. I came home from work one evening to a message from my now deceased friend's sister begging me to come to her other brother's 40 birthday as none of the other players on our ball team had showed. Tired from a long day but feeling guilty I went to the party. I do not drink so was asked to drive a few home at the end of the night. This sister and the birthday boy were the last two I dropped off. She wouldn't get out of my truck. I was extremely tired by now and had to work early the next day. Told her I was going home, either she got out or I was leaving...I knew her husband of about 15 years at that time and her two teenage boys. I went home, pointed to the spare room and said she could sleep there. I went to bed and crashed. The next thing I knew this woman was climbing into my bed and on top of me naked...what was I to do? I did what most single men would do. Went to work the next morning and told her to take my old truck to where ever..I would pick it up later. Never heard or saw her again until almost exactly one month later I got a phone call. It was her, she told me she was pregnant and I was the Dad, that her husband knew about it as he found the test results. I was floored. She called herself Fertile Murtle with a giggle. I told her to get an abortion. She refused. 8 months later my son was born. She named him after her dead brother with both of our last names. She took him home from the hospital to her husband and two boys of the marriage. She stayed with him. She encouraged a relationship between my son and I and my family. She let us have him for short visits and even travelled to bring him over. She asked me to have an affair, she asked me to buy her a house so she could leave her husband and other two boys and I could come and visit whenever I wanted. She asked for money over and above the support I paid every month since my son was born. I gave her #3000.00 cash one time when she needed money to buy one of her older sons a car. I refused to buy her a house. She said my son was a burden...I offered to take him..she said I was trying to steal him from her after that. For seven long years the games went on, seduction, lies, manipulations etc. She wanted money, a relationship for money etc. I told her I did not love her or want to be with her that way. She refused to listen, pushing herself on me and using my little boy as a pawn. Pushing herself into my parents life and always always asking for more money. I did not fight back too hard, I got to see my son up until that time without too much hassle. Then I finally met a woman who I cared for...we started dating, I took her to my son's hockey games, we got serious. Suddenly my mother got a call. This fertile murtle told my mother I was not allowed to see my son anymore, that her husband was a better father than I ever was and hung up. She took me to court for support when my son was 7 years old. I asked her why she was doing this now. She said because if she didn't my girlfriend would get everything and HER son would get nothing. Floored again. I asked her why she got pregnant in the first place, she said because she thought I needed a child! We are still in court today. 5 years later. No access, no phone calls and my son is severely alienated from me and his grandparents who grew to love him dearly. I am overpaying on support and now she is going after income from a company I invested in 20 years ago plus my small company and everything I have....if this isn't gold digging I don't know what is...the family courts are disasterous and have only helped to further alienate my son from me. She is rotten to the core, has not ever once said she was sorry for ruining my life, not to mention her own family and I have lived 12 years in hell since she forced her way into it. I could sure use some good legal advice. The lawyers I have encountered in my area have been into this to pad their pockets and do absolutely nothing to help. My life savings plus the money I had invested for my son is gone and I am trying to keep a straight course and follow court orders that she has ignored, with coaching on how to get away with it all by her lawyer, but it is very discouraging. It is amazing how sick people become for money.
Uxbridge, Ontario

I am woman who has experienced the greatest pain experienced and shared by all you men. I used to say men always get the short end of the stick. It's just not fair to you guys. I really stuck up for you. The woman always wins in the end...Why? It makes no sense. We can work as hard as you can. We were the ones who wanted equality. Well we got it. Now how come it's not equal in the courts? It ain't right guys...keep fighting, never give up. To all you men, I lost my heart to a man I loved who left me for money to save himself first. He said we are on 'pause' while he takes money from his ex wife to save his business and himself first. Then he will come back for me. I invested 10 years into our relationship and his company, never wanting anything but to give back to him every way I could. Why? I wanted everything for him. I wanted to make him happy...and I did. I just didn't have a fat enough wallet to save all his mistakes in business. I had intuition that would have saved him if he listened. But he didn't. Money blinds you. Black or white, male or female, selfish or selfless...we are all human with one thing in common. We want to be loved. But I've learned priorities are different for everyone. Love is not the most important priority for some. Money is priority. Love is second. I'm one of the good ones guys. I feel like I have been screwed just as bad as you. But that makes me human. Doesn't matter if I'm a woman or a man. We share something in common. Betrayal. We don't deserve it. But you know, I heard a saying once, 'The deeper sorrow is carved into your soul, the more joy it will contain.' Hang tough you guys, there is a great woman out there for you I know it. These times were meant to toughen you up for the real thing that's coming your way. We're not all bad, I promise you. But we are all human. I hope my side helps tell the courts that we are all equals and human beings with equal rights. Men and women. Men are deserving as much as women equally for what they rightfully earned. It's time the courts saw us a equals. You guys work just as hard as we do. Hang tough. Maybe we'll both win in the end ;)
Los Angeles, CA

Custody court in Los Angeles is a broken, currupt system. One better to stay out of at all costs or else it will cost everything your own and your children will be gone anyway.
Saskatoon, SK

I have now been apart from my ex two years. When she left me and the kids, her name was not on the title of our house. Not only was I forced to sell the house and give her half the value, I was told to be nice to her, make sure she got plenty of access to the kids, and of course pay her child support even though her and her new man make more than twice my income. I was told her lifestyle shouldn't have to suffer, but apparently my lifestyle means nothing. At least a man can always get scr#wed by the legal system.
Beverly Hills, CA

I'm a family law attorney in Los Angeles. I tell people, especially men, not to get married. Period. Nobody listens.
Seattle, WA

I was the victim of a girlfriend 18 years ago when I lived in Spokane Washington. My wife died of leukemia in 1987..our marriage was from hell but as you all know I loved my 2 daughters and wouldn't leave them. After she died I had two serious relationships..I felt "don't hold your past one against other people and was very open to the great second chance" The 1st relationship was absolutely a disaster and I was devistated. For a year I was not myself...then I met this version of Sharon Stone that moved in with me and the two girls. I was in love head over heals and wanted to make it work. To make a long story short I caught her with another guy and gave her a grand to get out immediately which she did. I started a construction company and got going and built myself a new house..6 months later here comes a registered letter from her lawyer demanding a 20K property settlement. I took this to my lawyer and he said paying her was the cheapest way out... "If it floats flys or Fu***.... RENT IT.
Beverly Hills, CA

I'm a family law attorney in Los Angeles. I tell people, especially men, not to get married. Period. Nobody listens.
Brampton, On

I've been seperated for 7 glorious years. I married I thought for love and realized what marriage truly was about. Its about building assets only to have them taken from you and then using your children as an excuse to pay more money. The court system is completely un-fair to men. Why can't everything be split 50/50 when the demise occurs. It would only seem fair but I now realize the court system is not fair.I had joint custody of my two children, in fact I had them 60% of the time and I still had to pay my x-wife because she chose a career whereby she did not make as much money as I did. I get to pay for her choices. That seem fair doesn't it? I find more and more men are getting shafted, not once, not twice but more often than not. Its time the courts re-visit men's rights and the womens obligations and HER actions. Its a crime to hit someone, why isn't a crime when your emotional state has been toyed with. I think the emotional abuse is far worse then the physical. Its time women start caughing up and take responsibility for their actions. men have.
Vernon, B.C.

I've been separated now for 1 year and 9 months. I recently got the decision from the trial. The trial consisted of custody, support, and spousal support. She got sole custody, and I've been ordered to pay 2,200 in support for my two children per month. and 1500 a month is alimony. Here's the problem. The judge made the award based on my income in 2007. That was my best year as a salesman of farm machinery. Last year, I didn't come close to the 2007 year and this year is even worse. My take home pay after taxes is 4200. This leaves me around 500 a month. Who can live on 500 a month. Now after legal fees, both mine and hers, I'm broke. I'm sleeping on my parent's couch as I can't afford a place to live on 500 a month. I went back to court alone as I can't afford a lawyer, although my ex still has one, and the judge ignored my request for lowering the amount stating that "I have responsibilities, and they come first". Just wanted to share this with you. Thanks for writing the book Hal. The truth has to come out.

Cambridge, Mass.

I just was released from jail after I was bailed out by my sister and her husband. I was arrested for domestic violence. If a shouting match is considered domestic violence than I think the whole U.S.A . could be in jail. My ex called the cops when I came to the house to pick up my kid for my weekend access, only to find out that he wasn't there and he was away at some boy scout event. I didn't receive a phone call, an email or nothing. After a 55 minute drive, I was furious that she didn't have the decency to even call to let me know about this. Her response was to call the police. They handcuffed me and took me to jail. Great weekend. We have to do something about this crazy one sided system. It's nuts.